Jerry Kill: A killer realist

It is so glad to hear that Jerry Kill, the new U of M football coach isn’t trying to give us spiked kool-aid like his former predecessor Tim “We are going to the Rose Bowl” Brewster.

From the sounds of it, Kill is a killer realist. In a recent newspaper article for the Mankato Free press, he was quoted as saying the following: “The one thing I can promise is that I’m going to work my guts out for you,” Kill said. “I’m a workaholic, and me and my staff are going to do everything we can to turn this program around.”

And instead of setting his goal on making it to the Rose he has put together the following four realistic goals:

1. Be on time.

2. Act right.

3. Go to class.

4. Play hard on Saturday.

It sounds like Kill is a breath of fresh air. Hopefully with time, he can make it to the Rose Bowl, but in the meantime it is just uplifting to hear a Golden Gophers football coach not sound drunk.

Kim Kardashian is now engaged to former Gopher Kris Humphries

My oh my did Kris Humphries ever have himself a year. Not only did he show us he was one of the top 10 rebounders in the NBA (Don’t believe me? Check out his stats), he proved to everyone he was just as good at finding broads as he was at crashing the boards.

Today it was reported that Kim Kardashian became engaged to the Minnesota native. Congrats to you Kris! Something tells me you love it when she gets into the rebounding position!

Academic scores drop a little, but really who cares

Division I sports are an academic joke. I know there is a couple of Blake Hoffarbers out there who actually work hard at academics, but a large amount struggle like Al Nolen and need a tutor.

And you know what? That makes sense. Not everyone is good at everything. Whereas I do above average in the classroom, I would get an F+ trying to play Division I basketball. Whereas Al Nolen does above average on the court being an adequate Division I point guard, he does poorly in the classroom. So, give him a tutor to help with his papers and tests. It would be no different if I wanted to be a Division I Athlete and I got the best personal basketball coach in the world.

So when word came out today the boy’s basketball scored the lowest and the football team scored the second lowest in the latest Academic Progress Report (APR)- a measuring tool for the NCCA- my reaction was this: Just so long as they don’t get scholarships taken away and don’t wind up on academic probation, so what?

It’s like me with chemistry class: Just don’t fail. That’s all the football team and basketball team has to do academically: Just don’t fail.

Because football and basketball make money for the school (at least that is what they are suppose to do for most Division I school, don’t know if the crappy football at the U has, but basketball I bet has) it is there job to perform well on the field and just well enough in the classroom so they are able to play their best players and PLAY WELL ON THE FIELD!!

Meanwhile, when I heard baseball, means gymnastic, means tennis, women’s cross-country, women’s basketball, women’s gymnastic, soccer, women’s swimming, and women’s golf all earned perfect scores, my reaction was this:

That’s your guy’s job! It is your job to raise our Athletic Department’s APR up while Football and Basketball are just getting by, not failing, and hopefully playing well on the field and raising money for the school.

And if you guys happen to be good and stuff, great! But if not? So what!

And if any of the players on the sports that aren’t shown on primetime TV on the major TV networks like ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX are offended by this I am going to quote a former Division I athlete and Miami Hurricane Player turned professional wrestler named Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

“Shut your mouth and know your role!”

You have every right to pursue your dreams and aspirations, but don’t be pissed off when I say the Athletic Department at the U cares about how well you guys do. If they had the choice of the football team winning a national championship and the women’s soccer team winning a national championship, athletic director Joe Maturi would choose the football team faster than Bill Clinton would chose anyone to do ‘it’ with over Hillary.

So when Maturi said, “Women's soccer is the poster child.” All I could do was laugh.

The only thing women’s soccer is the poster for, is the bathroom wall at a frat house.

But seriously, congrats on making it to the sweet 16 last year in the NCCA women’s soccer tournament, hopefully you made money for the school like the Basketball team did in the past when they made it to the sweet 16.

MarQueis Gray coaching at DeLaSalle High School

Did you know Minnesota's starting quarterback MarQueis Gray will serve an internship at DeLaSalle High School, helping run workouts and drills for the Islanders' football team?

Good for Gray. I am happy he is helping give back to the Minnesota Community by coaching our youth.

On an unrelated side note, former Gopher’s great Quincy Lewis was an assistant basketball coach for Islander’s basketball.

Scott Matyas is breaking records and settling scores.

The Gophers senior pitcher and team closer Scott Matyas set a Big Ten conference record for career saves earlier this month and has been adding to it. Matyas made Big Ten baseball history on May 7 when he threw one pitch, getting Michigan's Garrett Stephens to ground out to shortstop in an 11-10 Gophers victory. It was Matyas' 33rd save of his career, a conference record he has since increased to 35.

Matyas is one of the key reasons why the Gophers have a record of (21-20,12-9) and are still in contention for a Big Ten title going into the last weekend of the regular season (The gophers are one game back behind Michigan State.)

Matyas who has already been drafted twice, definitely has the potential to be a future player in the MLB, meanwhile in the present we hope he can help us win the big 10 title this year.

Former Golden Gopher Sandy Stephens elected to College Football Hall of Fame

Sandy Stephens who was the last Gophers quarterback to lead us to the Rose Bowl in back to back seasons in 1961 and 1962 was announced to be part of the 2011 College football hall of fame class. He was also the last gophers QB to lead us to an national championship in 1960. But more importantly, he was the first ever black quarterback selected to an All-American team.

Congrats Sandy, you deserve it!

Will Adam Weber get signed?

After hearing former Minnesota Golden Gopher starting Quarter Back Adam Weber was not one of the 12 QB’s drafted, I was rather surprised. Out of all the 12 QB’s drafted not a single one had to deal with as much coaching turmoil or instability. Because of that, Weber wasn’t going to be labeled as a system quarterback; instead he was going to be labeled as a resilient quarterback who works hard and battles through changes.

Supposedly there are teams interested in him, and in my opinion they should. While Adam Weber might not have the strongest arm or the fastest legs what he has displayed in his four years at Minnesota is a tremendous work ethic and the ability to improve despite playing in an unstable environment.

Tubby Smith is Cancer Free.

As reported in the Star Tribune today Minnesota Golden Gopher Men’s Basketball Coach Tubby Smith.
Here are some key quotes found in the article written by one of our favorite writers for the Strib MYRON P. MEDCALF .

"Amid speculation, I want to make it aware that I did in fact undergo a procedure on April 21 at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester," Smith, who turns 60 next month, said in the statement. "During my regular physical last spring, it was discovered that my prostate-specific antigen (PSA) levels were high.
"A biopsy was done and it was discovered that I had early stages of prostate cancer. I am happy to say that the cancer was contained and removed and I am now cancer free and feeling great."

We are truly happy for Tubby Smith that he is medically healthy.

Goldy's Letter Worked!!

As reported here:http://www.kare11.com/sports/gophers/article/922538/452/Ralph-Sampson-not-entering-NBA-Draft--

It sounds like ol’ Ralphy Boy decided to return to school. While in the article it says it was his dad, NBA Legend Ralph Sampson that convinced him to stay in school, word from inside the lockeroom is that it was really Goldy’s letter.

Nice going Goldy! And Ralph, thanks for coming back!

Goldy Gopher’s letter to Ralph Sampson III

*Here at Ticket King we have a team of some of the best investigative sports journalist in the world. Just recently one of them, who due to legal reason we are unable to name, used his stealthy abilities to get inside the Minnesota Golden Gophers Basketball team lock room. While in there he said it smelled like a disappointing season and found this typed letter addressed to Ralph Sampson III tapped to his locker from Goldy Gopher himself.

Dear Ralphy Boy,

If someone would have told me one of key performers on the Minnesota Golden Gophers basketball team with eligibility for this upcoming season was entering the NBA draft the following two thoughts would have entered my brain.

1.Well Rodney Williams does have loads of potential. It’s too bad he is not staying in school to patent down his skills, but he is a top 20 talent. So if he needs the money, he needs the money. I understand.

2.Trevor Mbawkwe. No please don’t go, you are an absolute beast! To quote Kanye West, we need you like “Kathy needs Regis,” Trevor please don’t walk. It is too bad, you aren’t 6’11 because then you would be a top 5 pick. Trevor you are undersized for the NBA. Stay in college and continue to destroy in the Big Ten.

Hey Ralph, when someone told me you were entering the draft this thought entered my brain:

“And Bucky the Badger is stronger than me. “

I realize you are a talented player. You are taller than a skyscraper and magically developed three point range this past season. You have many talents that make you far superior than your less than talented former cohort, who thankfully is transferring, Colton Iverson. However, being better than C. Iverson is a lot different than being better than A. Iverson, in all honesty it is not saying much.

So please Ralph, listen to your dad and Tubby Smith and stay in school. If you’re lucky, you might get drafted next year, but even that it is a stretch.

I know this letter has been rather harsh, but if you haven’t noticed by now, it is because I care about you and the team. I truly believe it would be in the best interest for both you and the team if you stayed in school and played your senior season.

Sincerely,

Goldy Gopher

*This is fiction writing and is really a blog post made by a wimpy Ticket King intern who will now be scared to death if Ralph reads this and confronts him about it. And if he is ever confronted about it, all he can do is defend himself with used ticket stubs.