Monday, May 9, 2011

Goldy Gopher’s letter to Ralph Sampson III

*Here at Ticket King we have a team of some of the best investigative sports journalist in the world. Just recently one of them, who due to legal reason we are unable to name, used his stealthy abilities to get inside the Minnesota Golden Gophers Basketball team lock room. While in there he said it smelled like a disappointing season and found this typed letter addressed to Ralph Sampson III tapped to his locker from Goldy Gopher himself.

Dear Ralphy Boy,

If someone would have told me one of key performers on the Minnesota Golden Gophers basketball team with eligibility for this upcoming season was entering the NBA draft the following two thoughts would have entered my brain.

1.Well Rodney Williams does have loads of potential. It’s too bad he is not staying in school to patent down his skills, but he is a top 20 talent. So if he needs the money, he needs the money. I understand.

2.Trevor Mbawkwe. No please don’t go, you are an absolute beast! To quote Kanye West, we need you like “Kathy needs Regis,” Trevor please don’t walk. It is too bad, you aren’t 6’11 because then you would be a top 5 pick. Trevor you are undersized for the NBA. Stay in college and continue to destroy in the Big Ten.

Hey Ralph, when someone told me you were entering the draft this thought entered my brain:

“And Bucky the Badger is stronger than me. “

I realize you are a talented player. You are taller than a skyscraper and magically developed three point range this past season. You have many talents that make you far superior than your less than talented former cohort, who thankfully is transferring, Colton Iverson. However, being better than C. Iverson is a lot different than being better than A. Iverson, in all honesty it is not saying much.

So please Ralph, listen to your dad and Tubby Smith and stay in school. If you’re lucky, you might get drafted next year, but even that it is a stretch.

I know this letter has been rather harsh, but if you haven’t noticed by now, it is because I care about you and the team. I truly believe it would be in the best interest for both you and the team if you stayed in school and played your senior season.


Goldy Gopher

*This is fiction writing and is really a blog post made by a wimpy Ticket King intern who will now be scared to death if Ralph reads this and confronts him about it. And if he is ever confronted about it, all he can do is defend himself with used ticket stubs.

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