Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Brewster Speaks!

In the seven months since his debacle of being the head football coach for the Minnesota Golden Gophers ended, the man known as Tim ‘sounds-like-a-sleazy-used-car-salesman’ Brewster has finally broken silence. Here was the old Brew had to say:

"I poured my heart and soul into that situation in Minnesota and I was disappointed with how it ended," Brewster told Naples (Fla.) Daily News, “But I'm a positive guy and you're not going to keep me down long.”

Listen Brew, I know how you feel. Junior year of high school, I poured my heart into chemistry class that year. I met with the teacher about as many times as you called your idiotic offense out of the shot gun. I had a great teacher too. She was awesome too; she was never rattled by my bone-headedness which saw me get a D+ in the class.

You know Brew; there are a few similarities here. I had a great teacher that never quit on me despite my stupidity. Meanwhile, you had a great quarter back in Adam Webber who never quit on you despite your stupidity. Also, we both poured are hearts and souls into what we did.

However, that is where the similarities end and the differences arise. You see, I wound up with a D+, miraculously passed the class and went onto continue my education, excelling in the arts and English’s. Meanwhile you wound up with an F, failed as a coach, lost your job and excelled in absolutely nothing.

Continue to think positive Brew, because at the moment that is all you have. That is unless you do decide to become a used car salesman, because unlike coaching, I see you excelling in that field.

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